May

So, um i quit working at the yogurt shop. There was a few reasons, I was getting really tired and I wasn't really myself. So i decided to quit and to rest for a month lazing around doing basically nothing. How is it so far? I quite like it, its fun yknow lazing around doing nothing. I have time to do a lot of things I've been wanting to do. I spend my days fangirling over a Kpop boy band named, Seventeen they're amazingly talented haha. What I noticed it has been a barrier to the things made me sad and made me cry. A big barrier. But when the night gets deep the thoughts won't go away it comes flashing back like a thunder in a thunderstorm. The pain comes first at the end it left me feeling numb.

How to describe everything? I feel numb I mostly think about nothing. It's amazing isn't it how a person can make you feel like you're everything and leave you like you are nothing. Make you feel like you're the most important person in his/her life and leave without a notice or even an explanation. Make you feel as if that person would feel the same but doesn't. The reality is actually does not seem like what you expect it to be.

What did made me thought about that? That stupid thing called hope. That little spark. That stupid, selfless hope. I'm tired honestly so tired it's draining me out. I want this feeling to escape. I keep looking for a window, for an opportunity if I do this, if I were to become like this I would be -- questions in my head these stupid wanting(s) it's annoying. I want to kill it. These thoughts I'm having.

I'm angry so so angry at everything. I mean like there's a lot that has been going on but nope I keep looking at the same corner. I couldn't look away, I couldn't let myself live, I couldn't let him go --

I never did