end

It is almost the end of the year. Time sure does pass by really quick. Too quick, I barely could even catch up. It almost feels like time is winning over me.

Time.
I wish I had much more time spent on myself.
Making myself smile
Making myself important
Making myself less miserable
Making myself happy.

 I wish I could at least put myself first. Love myself first. Make myself happy, first. Just as much as how I want to make people around me feel happy, feel comfortable and feel at ease. Why don't I feel the same way. Why don't I feel happy? Why don't I feel comfortable? Why don't I feel at ease? Why don't I feel....happy.

Why can't people notice? I'm slowly breaking apart. Why can't people notice the sadness in me. Why can't people notice that every single day is torturous. I honestly don't know what am I even feeling, but why is there isn't a single bit of happiness in my body.

Why does every day hurts. Every part of myself hurts. I tried, choosing happiness. Ignoring. The more I keep ignoring it the more it is dragging me to this place. I feel so alone even when I am in a room of thousands of people. Even when I feel happy around the people I love. I was only happy when they are around me. When they leave, when I am alone it feels dark. It feels like darkness is slowly eating me. Slowly swallowing me.

I want to be happy. I want my happy self. I want happiness.

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