2014/15

I know it has been awhile. My last post was about my friend's passing. What i can say about 2014 is, it's not my year. A lot of people passed away that year, a lot of tears had been shed, people walking out of my life, expectations turns to disappointments. It's just not my year. First it was my grandfather then it was my closest cousin then suddenly it was my best friend, ili. I know we're always one step closer to death but at this age i never imagined myself experiencing so many deaths in one year. It was really tough for me to move on to start realizing that these people will never say hi to me ever again. The feeling itself is hard for me to believe. It's strange.                       

My hope for this year is not much just for it to slowly heal from last year's pain. Plus, with me facing this big examination which is spm is much harder. People keep expecting from me "Straight A's okay?" Those words coming out from a person's mouth scares me. Please don't expect too much. I'm frightened. The idea of being 17 frightens me. But i don't know. I have an eerie feeling about this year i just do. From what i've been through last year i just think maybe something bad will happen to me this year maybe not to me but to people around me. Yea so far so good, i heard a lot of good news this week, surprising news as well. I am happy with those news. But it's just starting. I'm neither at the centre or at the finish line. The thought of it scares me so so much. I'm afraid how will it turn up. I just hope it'll be okay not good but okay. No deaths.... No people leaving me.... No expectations turns to disappointments. I hope so.

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