end

i've come to the point where i feel like trying is pointless. yes i do feel mad sometimes but i can't force someone to love me even though a slightest bit. i know he can't, i mean who am i to him. i've held on to him for far too long, a part of me wants to move on and another part of me wants to give it a chance maybe he could. i already know what would the answer be but i don't know why am i so stupid, i keep on trying, i keep doing the same old shit that might end up hurting myself. he is great. but i know it was my fault i was causing the pain. those scenarios, those imaginations, those pictures in my head. i was the one who is causing the pain it wasn't him. he was just trying to be nice and friendly. i can't like anyone, i'm afraid that i might get hurt or even worse. that feeling i feel for him was something really amazing to feel. he's a great friend, but the way i see him was something more than a friend which is ridiculous cause wtf syafiqah u creep. i don't want to ruin what we are having right now which is our friendship but it looks like i am ruining it. he's leaving soon, i just hope he won't forget me because i know i won't. but yea i shouldn't be hoping on to that haha. i just want you to know that, i've never loved anyone like i do for you and i don't think there is anyone out there would be in my place cause trust me it is not what you think of. i don't mind waiting for you, seeing you like someone else yea it hurts but i've never regret every moment every memory i had when i'm with you i will cherish them. i know you will never notice that but someday i hope you will. i don't want to look back anymore, i want relive my life again i'm not saying i'm not living my life lol no. you've become a part of me, a part of my soul and i know why the hell would i do that i just wanted you to know i really like you but i have to stop. 

“Sometimes we love with nothing more than hope. Sometimes we cry with everything except tears.” — Gregory David Roberts, Shantaram