always

there is actually time when i feel you know i belong to someone but most of the time i feel like the chances for me to be with him is zero percent or maybe negative. i know there is nothing left to hope but i keep on doing it. hoping that he'll notice, hoping that he'll feel the same way when i know he couldn't and he will never. well it was my mistake hoping too much on something beyond my league. it's the idea of being in love is really amazing but it hurts like hell, i know i'm like fifteen live the life. i am trying my best. it is so complicated, why do i pick people who never notice my effort, my existence. sometimes i feel like i am such an asshole questioning things when i simply deserve this. but this life i'm living in i need to change it. happiness is always a choice, better life is always a choice. i'm not expecting god to change my own fate if i don't change my fate i might lead to nowhere. change is never easy, i know but at least i could give it a try i mean i need to change. what if it get worse i mean me, its already october and i have weeks left and i notice that he is the reason why i'm so excited to start of my day i'm not saying like it is a bad thing but everything just make sense when he's there yes i may sound cliche but it does. he will leave soon and i don't know what will happen next. i keep telling myself that "hey one day he will love you" well stop self what the hell are you thinking. stop imagining stop picturing nothing is going to happen between you and him just stop. my life has been a big question mark on the forehead i have no idea what am i doing, and this is going to ruin myself (no offence though) but what's the point of waiting for someone who will never notice your effort. what's the point.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

end

It is almost the end of the year. Time sure does pass by really quick. Too quick, I barely could even catch up. It almost feels like time is winning over me. Time. I wish I had much more time spent on myself. Making myself smile Making myself important Making myself less miserable Making myself happy. I wish I could at least put myself first. Love myself first. Make myself happy, first. Just as much as how I want to make people around me feel happy, feel comfortable and feel at ease. Why don't I feel the same way. Why don't I feel happy? Why don't I feel comfortable? Why don't I feel at ease? Why don't I feel....happy. Why can't people notice? I'm slowly breaking apart. Why can't people notice the sadness in me. Why can't people notice that every single day is torturous. I honestly don't know what am I even feeling, but why is there isn't a single bit of happiness in my body. Why does every day hurts. Every part of myself hurts. ...
Read more

Daddy, Mummy, Baby

Image
Assalamualaikum and hello there, well today i spent my day with my sister and my dad.We went to the Museum and we took some pictures.Actually my sister wants to take pictures around Kuala Lumpur their buildings are very fascinating and we also took some pictures at Kajang Silk highway.It was fun. Museum was packed well it's Sunday obviously and it is School Hols, if umi was there it will be more fun.But it's been a long time i didn't spent time with daddy.So we did it was just perfect we learn about the pre-historical and a lot.I like history a lot discovering it's fun but i never got A in my History Paper yeah haha. Yesterday and Friday my cousin got married, well Friday is the day that they Nikah and Saturday bersanding.It was very tiring but it was fun i spent most of my time with cousins and aunt's and also uncle's.I ate alot this week i gain 3kg i better cut the fat ait? haha.It's been fun though hm.I know this is unbelievable but i do not want to l...
Read more

october update

Assalamualaikum, it has been months since my last update. I have loads of happy news, Alhamdulillah my dad has recovered not saying fully but he still is recovering. He gained weight, he even drove me to Seremban couple of times. I'm really happy that everything is back the way it was. He nags and sometimes it annoys me, he gets angry when i'm late, he's that lazy pakcik whenever I suruh he cepat hahaha. It's been nice knowing that he is well and everything is. I'm back in uni after a 5 months break, I know right lama betul. Sem 2 is kind of hard but I know I can manage, I can get through this if I put my mind into it.
Read more