im glad to have them in my life, they take the pain away. all of them. once in awhile, i just wish to always be with them, by their side. i know they will stay through thick or thin they worth more than gems, gold, platinum they worth so much more. when im with them the pain i carry is somehow gone but its not. i look through his photos on hanis's phone, he looked great. i shouldn't do that he's someone else's boyfriend i should respect that and just carry on. but it hurts to know. i still love him with all my heart, the more i wanted it to go the more it hurts. im glad that he is happy, he looks really happy. that's great even though i couldn't have your heart but at least i can still like you from a distance, in silence. forgive me, but that is all i can do. forgive me, for doing this. forgive me, for liking you too much. forgive me
end
It is almost the end of the year. Time sure does pass by really quick. Too quick, I barely could even catch up. It almost feels like time is winning over me. Time. I wish I had much more time spent on myself. Making myself smile Making myself important Making myself less miserable Making myself happy. I wish I could at least put myself first. Love myself first. Make myself happy, first. Just as much as how I want to make people around me feel happy, feel comfortable and feel at ease. Why don't I feel the same way. Why don't I feel happy? Why don't I feel comfortable? Why don't I feel at ease? Why don't I feel....happy. Why can't people notice? I'm slowly breaking apart. Why can't people notice the sadness in me. Why can't people notice that every single day is torturous. I honestly don't know what am I even feeling, but why is there isn't a single bit of happiness in my body. Why does every day hurts. Every part of myself hurts. ...

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