Sigh


Hello there, my life is getting sad each day. But overall i'm done i can't handle another heartbreak i just can't. Enough is enough although it hurts to leave but day by day i feel nothing not a single sadness i just feel nothing, i feel like i'm thrown away by this by everything. I just want everything to stop and just live the life i used to live in. The happy life i mean.

Well yea, i want to be happy the only thing that can make me happy is going to school and meet my lads and they're like the only one that can make me happy although the pain i bear isn't going away. Who doesn't want to be happy, i would die for happiness but i really feel my life is apparently drifting away from the people i love. I feel neglected by everything, happiness? Maybe.

If he's not for me then its fine i don't mind i know it hurts but what can i do, i can't force someone to like me. I sort of think that you should just face the fact he isn't going to feel the same why you feel for him  so why are you still hoping that he will. Idk what has happened or maybe because i'm not new in this i guess i feel that what you want is not always what you get and what you want is not always what you need.

I know i can be happy but seeing myself crying over something that i can't hope that it will be mine is worthless. I know its dumb but Hanis said i'm getting worse each day i'm not the usual happy friend she used to hang with. Well maybe you see me happy or laughing 24/7 but i'm not happy my life is falling down every each day and i don't want to burden anyone with my problems i want to bear it alone. But with this pain? can i bear it alone without telling anyone how big the impact hit me. 

I feel like i was drift away by a big wave of sadness because knowing that there's no chance for me to actually be with him. I want him to be happy maybe i'm not the one and if there is someone out there for him i can doubt she will make him happy. I rather see myself in the sea of sadness than seeing my love ones drenched with sadness. You can never feel how i feel everyday. I've been sighing a lot lately and i don't smile that much. My mum said that i was kinda light. I wish there's a huge light that will always leads me wherever i am, whatever the worst moment in my life, the light will always leads me and when in doubt maybe i can be happy.

; I have not seen the light, for days and nights, for days 


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