A Distant Memory

"You have an amazing sense of humor, great hair, and eyes that I get lost in every time I look at you. You define perfection"

Assalamualaikum, hi. Um it's a short post. Well lately i've been feeling kinda down and i have no one to tell. Well i do but i do not want to burden them. I just don't hm especially hanis. I don't want to burden her anymore, putting a big smile on my face would be enough. No more gazing at school. I'll bear the pain alone, i know i can.... yeah

I miss my crush...... a lot. By saying i want to let him go, but by time and time i kept remembering him, i really want to move on. I do but i don't know why i can't. I know that it would be impossible, that he could be mine. I mean who am i? I'm just an ugly potato. I'm not saying that for attention but it's true. I'm a sack of potato sitting on the corner of the bed crying. I can say i'm not happy, all those posts saying that i'm happy it's just a huge lie.

Me? happy? wow i wish i can. But being happy just at school and you come home crying all over again well that's not happy. That's suffering. I wish he remembers our late night conversations. I wish he still remember... i wish. But he? me? will never be together, i can say there's no hope. If we were together, i bet i'm just dreaming or gazing. It would be impossible. Who am i to be his lover? No one. I'm not saying that he should be sad for me. No 

There's no need to put your sympathy at me. No need. It's pointless, i'm useless, useless.... Hm yeah, i admit i do make mistakes. But being with him would be a pleasure. But i know hahaha, who am i.... I'm sorry that i still love you. Once, he said "You tried so hard girl. Move on" thank you, but i'm sorry that i can't move on.

Loving you was a pleasure, was so lovely and undeniable. It was the most sweetest feeling ever. I've never fell in love at someone this hard, this long. He's really nice, i will never stop praying that he would be happy and be with his love one. And my prayers really dedicated to him. I vow to love you forever but i promise someday i will let you go. But maybe not now. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. Maybe not this year. 

Finally, thank you for being my crush for almost 11 months. Yes for you it's just something that's not even important. And yes i do count. I'm sorry haahahaha.... Lastly, you will always be my shining star, be my heart, be my crush. I hope your doing fine, i hope your finally happy with your life. I hope that someone will always make you happy. Our memories will never fade, i will always remember you. I'm sorry that i couldn't bear to let you go yet. I'm sorry and lastly, I love you.

"Will you be my first time, my one love, my one and only?"



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

end

It is almost the end of the year. Time sure does pass by really quick. Too quick, I barely could even catch up. It almost feels like time is winning over me. Time. I wish I had much more time spent on myself. Making myself smile Making myself important Making myself less miserable Making myself happy. I wish I could at least put myself first. Love myself first. Make myself happy, first. Just as much as how I want to make people around me feel happy, feel comfortable and feel at ease. Why don't I feel the same way. Why don't I feel happy? Why don't I feel comfortable? Why don't I feel at ease? Why don't I feel....happy. Why can't people notice? I'm slowly breaking apart. Why can't people notice the sadness in me. Why can't people notice that every single day is torturous. I honestly don't know what am I even feeling, but why is there isn't a single bit of happiness in my body. Why does every day hurts. Every part of myself hurts. ...
Read more

Daddy, Mummy, Baby

Image
Assalamualaikum and hello there, well today i spent my day with my sister and my dad.We went to the Museum and we took some pictures.Actually my sister wants to take pictures around Kuala Lumpur their buildings are very fascinating and we also took some pictures at Kajang Silk highway.It was fun. Museum was packed well it's Sunday obviously and it is School Hols, if umi was there it will be more fun.But it's been a long time i didn't spent time with daddy.So we did it was just perfect we learn about the pre-historical and a lot.I like history a lot discovering it's fun but i never got A in my History Paper yeah haha. Yesterday and Friday my cousin got married, well Friday is the day that they Nikah and Saturday bersanding.It was very tiring but it was fun i spent most of my time with cousins and aunt's and also uncle's.I ate alot this week i gain 3kg i better cut the fat ait? haha.It's been fun though hm.I know this is unbelievable but i do not want to l...
Read more

october update

Assalamualaikum, it has been months since my last update. I have loads of happy news, Alhamdulillah my dad has recovered not saying fully but he still is recovering. He gained weight, he even drove me to Seremban couple of times. I'm really happy that everything is back the way it was. He nags and sometimes it annoys me, he gets angry when i'm late, he's that lazy pakcik whenever I suruh he cepat hahaha. It's been nice knowing that he is well and everything is. I'm back in uni after a 5 months break, I know right lama betul. Sem 2 is kind of hard but I know I can manage, I can get through this if I put my mind into it.
Read more