Hometown Glory

"They judge me before they even know me. That's why i'm better off being alone"

Assalamualaikum and hi, so as my previous update as you can see it's pretty hard to handle this situation. Well it did worked out. But i still i don't know. I did this cause i'm afraid of losing part of my life forever. Forever. People can judge me, but if they're in my shoes? They can feel the pain that i'm feeling right now.

Seeing your own best friend is moving away, doesn't that hurts. It's killing me in this situation, i just can't bare to keep my feelings. I keep crying everynight saying what if someday... what if someday... i am tired, i feel restless maybe it's true what they said about me. I'm a hypocrite well i'm sorry i'm a one of a hypocrite girl. I just want to my best friend to know that she's everything to me. And nothing can tear us apart. I hope nothing will. No one understand me besides her.

When we fight i just can't stand everything i kept crying, i can't stand to see that we're not like we always did. We're drifting apart, falling apart. I tried to keep this friendship still but i just can't i'm useless. But i hope our friendship last forever. I never want this to happened. I never want to. Maybe there's a reason it happened. But my problems are just too much. I can't stand it anymore...... It's too much

I don't want to burden anyone with my problems even my best friend. No i don't want to. Let her be happy. Let me keep it although the problems is killing me. Let it be at least she's happy that whats matters the most. Screw me being happy let my crush, friend, family be happy. I don't know i think i don't care about my happiness anymore. It doesn't matters anymore. If my love ones are happy. Thats the only key that can make me happy.

I don't need happiness, i know maybe we all needed. But happiness won't come to me. It keeps getting away from me. Maybe misery, tears, pain is my companion, best friends. No doubt, i really want to be happy like everyone else i do. But being happy just for awhile is not enough. But my heart, it hurts. I just can't stand doing anything anymore. Maybe it's my fate. Teenage life is kinda ruining me, killing me. It doesn't help me at all. I laugh, smile but who knows i'm in pain. 

The pain i bear is killing me. First is about me, my family, best friend, crush. I can't stand this i feel like i'm the most miserable person. I don't deserve anything. Well maybe there's times i can be happy. But it's not like my happiness stands forever. It doesn't pain, sorrow, sadness keeps approaching me. They won't leave me. Can i be happy just this year, just this year. I beg you. Sorrow, sadness, pain stay away from me i'm begging you. I just want to be happy, yes happy.

People, stop saying that i'm pathetic or whats so ever. Hey your not in my shoes!? I feel pain everyday, i can feel that my friends hates me.  I can feel that my family started to have bigger problems than yours. HEY I NEVER WANTED THIS TO HAPPENED. But the pain ive been through i tried to smile, be happy. I tried i succeeded but i end up hurting my self. Keep it all and never tell at anyone about it. I struggled to much form my own happiness but i'm just a fuckturd. 

Yes i know crying won't solve anything. And i know i'm young and i deserve a better life. But a better life doesn't exist in my life. What you expect my life is like a so call fairytale?  Well fuck-off its not. No i don't have a perfect life, well i'm not perfect. Well being perfect is like the most stupidest thing. I try to make people happy without thinking about my happiness. Well for me let my love ones be happy. When that happiness comes to me i will enjoy it.

I can feel my life is really wasted. Really. Well people want to be forever young, but you know that the more you grow up, the pain will always approach you. See i just made a hypothesis.Forever young doesn't exist. I'm fourteen and i can feel that this is just level 1, let's see whats next. Maybe life is cruel, or its not. I don't know, but i think so. It's my opinion. I'm sorry that i'm not that enough for everyone. 

"Happiness? I don't know whats that anymore"


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