Falling Apart

 "We just have to accept the fact that some people are going to stay our hearts if they don't stay in our lives"

Assalamualaikum and hi there, so my problems got worse. I'm not gonna talk much, or i will lol. But it's a pretty hard post well i've been having a hard time lately. Blog is where i express my feelings. Well it's like my best friend. I wish blogger was real. Okay done with the crap let's begin.

My life is ruin i just can't take anything back. As i said i'm falling apart. And no one will listen my silent pain, the pain that i bear everyday. I feel like i want to cry but i do, cry every night i look at the conversations i was shocked. I have to i needed the truth, when i know the truth it truly kills me. My heart it hurts so much. I feel like i wasn't deserve to live. People mock me i don't mind, they say that i'm afraid of them. I don't and why should i?

Cause your not my shoes, you can't feel my pain. Well maybe it is enjoyable watching me suffering well you did it, do you want an award? I'm done with the pain i've been through. I can hide my pain but can i hide it forever? Seeing, me like this is sort of like i'm useless to everybody. I can do this anymore. Like i've said the pain, cry, suffer are only companion these days. Friends, i'm sorry that lately i am so quiet around you. It's just that these problems aren't meant to be told to anyone...

I'm not being hypocrite or not trusting them. But i don't want to burden anyone with my problems. Let me bear it alone although the pain that i've been through. I just don't want to burden anyone. I had enough of this stop pretending that you like me just stop. It's fine, it was meant to be. You don't have to pretend when i got to know the truth my heart it hurts, i tried i did. But maybe you think that i'm not good enough. When i got to know the truth, my heart i can feel that i can't i just can't bear it alone...

I'm suffering, i can't find my happiness. Well there's times i laugh, smile but no one knows what i feel inside. I am changed well last time i used to be talkative, happy go lucky, happiness was my best friend. But now, i'm in pain, suffer now sadness is my best friend. I think sadness will never go away it will keep approaching me it will. Maybe i was born to be alone. Yes i do have a family, siblings but i do not want to tell anyone about it.

Falling apart, hahaha yes i am. Maybe when you look deeply in my eyes you will notice that the pain i bear is too much. Or you will never know. I think you'll never know. I mean who the heck i am to anyone. I am nothing just a useless crap. I can feel that i'm the most useless person you people have ever met. I'm sorry that i am useless and to be born. I know some of you say "You shouldn't be born" maybe i shouldn't. If that what you want. Maybe one day i'll die and i hope your happy about it. I am just nothing.

Who am i deserve happiness? Maybe i deserve this than happiness. Well some of them say there's always a sunshine behind the rain. Well there's no more 'sunshine' anymore no more. Pretending that i'm happy around people is hurting me. Pretending to smile, pretending to laugh the pain it hurts it hurts. I want someone to know about this but i don't want to burden anyone i don't. But who will hear me who will? I think no one will. I think no one will. I am tired yes tired.

"Most of the times, I don't know how to describe my feelings into words. It is too complicated, I don't know how to explain in easy words"

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