I'm Tired, Please Make It Stop

"You've tried so hard to hide your scars"

Assalamualaikum and hello there, so you guys see that picture? Yes i'm crying it's awful but if you can read my eyes, yes i'm in pain. I'm tired of everything, please make it stop. I just can't control my feelings. Everyday, every night i cry. I just can't take it anymore. It's killing me, i just can't...

Seeing he's happy with part of his life makes me happy, somehow i just can't control my feelings and my i keep crying. This just sick! i feel so restless and exhausted. He doesn't need me, i have to face the fact but why can't i face the fact. I kept saying that for trillion times but it didn't work out at all. I really want to talk to him and tell about everything, no i'm not craving for sympathy or i want him to broke up with his girlfriend not at all. I just, i want him to know. Keeping this feeling for him is like pulling a trigger and let the bullets stays at my heart. It hurts

Never thought that i can be like this. Before this, yes i do have a crush on someone else but it never turned out to be like this. I'm changed, i cry every night, i lost my appetite easily, i lost a lot of weight. Before this, i never like this never. Never i tell you. I feel awful  sad, down. I'm just not me anymore. Hanis told me, if i tell him what about the consequences? She said i will be hurt again. But she's right, but i believe that he will never do that to me, right? I don't know. There's to much pain, sorrow. Even my mum noticed that i'm not that happy like old times. I'm sorry mum.

I don't mean to change but i don't know it's not his fault that i'm changed. It's me, and will always. It's because of me, i'm changed it because of me because of everything! Put the blame on me, not him. He doesn't even know the pain that i bear to handle it. But it's fine he doesn't know i don't want because of me people thought that i'm such a bitch screwing up other people's relationship. I feel like i'm one of those screwing up people's relationship. God, i hate myself. Hm i feel like i'm the only one does that. I mean there's probably more than 67 million people in the world. I'm the worse.

I just can't take this pain anymore, you guys ever feel like this before? If you guys been you know how i feel right now. I can't stop crying. My eyebags are getting worse and it's black. Oh my, i don't care about it anymore, who cares. I just want to be free and never fall in love with someone else. I'm tired of everything tired. I'm so sorry, you i'm really am. But they will never know who you are. I promise. But i really need a space a lot of them, take a vacation, calm myself, forget about the past and move on. God, why can't i move on? Why, why. I'm so tired of everything...... believe me i am

‎"Don't, don't let me go, don't make me hold on when your not" Lastly, i love you and i'm sorry for everything. 

Yours truly, Syafiqah

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