For Better Or Worse


Assalamualaikum and hello there ^o^ boy, it's been awhile i didn't post anything cause i was to lazy and run out of ideas. So let's begin, okay today i would like to share our good memories hehehe okay i'll try Bismillahirrahmanirrahim eh before that listen to the song well it's in my blog not yours Window Media Player hehehe. Cute isn't it it's from Yuna, terukir di bintang you guys should see the video boy, it's so cute ^o^

Okay let's start so it's been 8 days counts the first second... and so on it was fun first day was totally awkward literally totally awkward haha. Okay this week it was hella fun, homegal! it was fun. And it got better but i miss him every time i stroll around school i suddenly gaze about him and remembers the moments but that was the past now it's present i can't change anything. He's someone's and he and his girlfriend looks happy. I don't want to screw they're relationship not at all. I must try to stop loving him and accept the fact!

I must, am i gonna wait for him? forever? no.... i must stop i just have too. He's happy with her not with me. I have face the fact but my heart, theres still him. I don't know what to do, fall in love again? why, you want me to be hurt for the 4572653283528 times? I just can't do this i did gave up but the feeling keeps coming back i should just push it away. I am being like a bitch, slut stealing somebody's boyfriend ugh i hate myself. Heart, stop it you hurting yourself!

I just.... love him to much and expected to much and hope to much...... every time i listen to a cute song about love i kinda forget that he's somebody's and just say that i love him,  never stop hoping and etc. I'm not craving for sympathy no not at all! I may sound like one but it's a no no. It's just so pathetic ugh i should just die. Literally but i miss him so much but he's not thinking about me and why bother syafiqah why!? Hm and i'm not blaming him you guys, not at all it's not even his fault that drag me because of this it'a mine for falling for him. 

I have stop this, i'm sorry for everything that i've done made you feel ashamed, mad. I am so sorry. I'm not a good friend i'm sorry. Hm, and btw my birthday just past it was 11th Of January yes this week, Wednesday. But i don't celebrate hm. My birthday was fun but some of my closest friends didn't remember but i don't tell them let it be a secret. It's fine with me. He didn't wish cause he's too busy i think but it's okay there's always next year if i am still alive. I should get hit a bus or lorry or a train i don't deserves to be in this world i don't. Who needs me? who. I know i have Allah, He is everything Allah is always by my side. But these tests it's killing me inside out. 

It's really killing me. In my prayers there's you i prayed for your happiness and everything that you hope for let it come true. I never stop, you will reach your goal, get straight A's. You will. I am crying right now i'm just so sad realizing that i'm such a bad friend a friend would never do that screwing your friend's realtionship but i did that. I screw it i am the worst person in the world. I just DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE!!!!!!!!! why don't i just die no one will cares. No one will i know. I'm just such a nuisance...... to all people around me.

For better or worse i will try, assalamualaikum x

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