I'm Sorry For Blaming You


Hello Earthlings and assalamualaikum! it's been a long time i didn't update my blog hmm maybe i do not what to post about sorry though.Um, my grandma is in the hospital it's been 1 week now so my father is kinda busy at night cause he have night shift guarding my grandma.So this week is kinda tough for me my kittens died hmm Ginger and Tikus aha i know they're name is kinda weird but yeah.Hmm they died am just don't know what to do now i only have Siam and Pepper.Sadlife isn't it? i am not blaming god but maybe my mood this week is like ergh, my hormones.I just mad at everyone and i cried almost everyday thinking about him and my life i just want to die it's tough when you get older well i know i'm just thirteen but being one is just so hard for me.I'm sorry Allah i'm not blaming you i know it's your choice to do this to me.

I just can't stop crying i can't even concentrate when i'm studying.I just want to die! i don't deserve to live.Anyways my finals is on aha! imma gunna die rite now.This monday, i think i'm gonna saw him i think so.Hmm i wish i didn't knew him and liked him i'm just so weak.I don't think he'll be mine i just don't think so.Haih, i'm tired of this i just better of without him.I know i'm pathetic but i miss him so much i just don't know why.Allah gave me this feeling towards him.But i don't want him to know it it's just you know.But everyday i cried and i just feel so lifelees and restless.I was young and don't know what's the meaning of love but i know that the most important thing about love is sincere and believe but i don't think i got that effort to do that.I'm just Syafiqah and Syafiqah is nothing.

I think noone deserve me.And i'm not craving for sympathy at all i don't need those kinda things cause people never care about me that's why i feel like i'm nothing.I never want this to happen to me but who knows what's gonna happen next.Maybe i lost my sense or i lost my dignity i don't know.I'm just tired of this i just wanna left this world and be on my own world crying and screaming.I feel like a huge hole in my heart that noone can heal it life is harder then i thought how am i gonna enjoy my life being me.It's killing me i don't know what to do to make me happy.He's happy with his gf but me? i'm suffering and i just want to kill myself i rwgret doing all this things, sigh.

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