absolutely nothing

Assalamualaikum, it has been months since my last update. I have loads of happy news, Alhamdulillah my dad has recovered not saying fully but he still is recovering. He gained weight, he even drove me to Seremban couple of times. I'm really happy that everything is back the way it was. He nags and sometimes it annoys me, he gets angry when i'm late, he's that lazy pakcik whenever I suruh he cepat hahaha. It's been nice knowing that he is well and everything is. I'm back in uni after a 5 months break, I know right lama betul. Sem 2 is kind of hard but I know I can manage, I can get through this if I put my mind into it.

These past few months have been so difficult to me and to my family. My dad is no longer my dad. He's no longer the superhero I once knew. Ever since I left home to continue my studies, everything seem fine even though he was constantly sick. When my semester finished, everything is different here. My home seem like a hospital, my dad is on his bed. Skinny, brittle, weak. My heart broke into the littlest pieces. It is so different it seem like it's no longer home and it's no longer him. It's strange how things can change so easily, how the times back then were just memories. One night, I thought I would lose him. I really I thought I would. He's my world, my gift from god and I don't think I'm ready to let him go. I want him to see me graduate, to see me get my first stable job, to see me on that stage receiving an excellent scroll from the best university, to see me achieve my dreams, to see me in front of him smiling and smiling. I just want him to get wel...

It's almost end of semester. Well technically, I would say uni life isn't that bad. I have great circle of friends they're super nice. The thing is. Me. What is wrong with me. Why am I so devastated most of the time. What am I frustrated about. Why is it that life isn't going the way I want it to be. The start of 2017 is almost like a mistake I hate every moment of it. I want to sleep, I want it to end so bad. I want to shut myself inside myself. I just want to be alone. Most of the time, why? I have no idea why. Why do I feel so sad I'm so tired of myself. Sometimes I get irritated over the most stupid things in the world. ----- I want it to past.

I got into uni. I'm scared yet thrilled and curious what it might be like living by my own. Luckily it is not that far. How am i doing? Not good at all. My family are very happy that i got into uni its not that i am not, i am very very happy. Its just im not in a good condition to feel good about myself. I miss the things that happened last year. I miss how i'm always with my friend and how wonderful things were last yeaar. I took those moments for granted thinking that it be like how it was scares me. I really miss it. Everything

Honestly my description has nothing to do on what i'm trying to say. I have been down and under these days. Tomorrow is the start of the month of september i'm still not in uni. People keep on asking me this and that, am i not interested in continuing my studies do i just wanna laze off and waste my time at home. The thing is i didn't get into any uni/college. I'm so stressed out, i'm tired of answering these questions. I'm so so drained out. I want to run away from everyone things just don't seem to be great these past few months. I've been so depressed and so out of place. Where am i honestly. I'm so lost.

The weather has been nice these days isn't it? I quite enjoy it. It's not that hot and not that cold either. I''ve been thinking about the same thing these past few weeks. I'm so drained out.